I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
