I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
