i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
