420 ftw
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
