i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am mentally ready for anal.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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