dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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