I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
