I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
