sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
