her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
