You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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