Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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