She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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