I wish my penis had an off switch
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
