I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
