do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
