i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
