Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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