I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
