How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
