Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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