there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
