my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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