I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
