So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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