Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Found your dick twin last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
