i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
