is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
