I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Randomize
