My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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