Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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