so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
