do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
