We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
