I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize