singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
