Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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