I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
