It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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