well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
