I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
