dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dick very happy bro
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
