i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
