As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
