He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
