I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
