True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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