She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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