Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
