everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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