Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
