he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
