I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
