WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
