He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
