Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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