dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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