one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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