I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
